So you’ve been in a relationship…sometimes it’s for a very short time, sometimes very long, but you are starting to notice that…
- You are afraid to ask a question.
- You are afraid to share your opinion for fear of reprimand or belittlement.
- Their views, ideas and opinions are the only decisions that matter. Nothing that you say holds any weight.
- You are glorifying the importance of their views over yours.
- They simultaneously suggest a solution while at the same time saying that any other solution will end poorly.
It seems relatively easy to see that this is very clearly an unhealthy relationship, right?
But what if you have been led to believe that the social standing of this individual glorifies their position in a way that makes you second guess yourself and your views at every turn?
What if your whole life, up ‘til now, you have been told that this person is so worthy of your trust, that if you don’t trust them, then you must be crazy?
What if your whole family and most of your friends and loved ones also believe that this person is right and true?
So it becomes more complex and challenging.
Yet you know…you KNOW that they are wrong. They don’t have it right. When this happens, you know for sure that you are ready to break up with …your health care practitioner.
It feels like a break up! It’s massively intense. You are questioning how to do it…how do you tell them that you have an opinion that is not shared by them when you know they are basically going to tell you that if you choose that opinion you are choosing a health outcome that could potentially lead you to a sooner death or at least demise. Yes, they do that. They bully you into staying…to perpetuating an unhealthy relationship that does not align with your sovereignty, your choosing, your empowerment and your health.
STOP the insanity.
But how, you ask?
Start building the trust with your own self so that you can begin to find the strength to get out of this unhealthy bondage. It is bondage. I hear people saying all the time,
- This is the only doctor that is covered, I can’t go to anyone else
- Well my doctor says…(as if that’s the ONLY option)
- My health insurance won’t cover anything else
There is a sense of defeat before even starting the game.
Get in the game. Getting in the game takes building a strong body and a strong mind. I like to say building from the outside in and the inside out. You have to do both. Start building the muscle of trust yourself. Witnessing that you can depend on yourself to make good healthy choices. They can be small ones.
OUTSIDE IN…
- Drinking more water
- Selecting a cleaner water source than tap water
- Figuring out what healthy foods are for YOU (my healthy is not your healthy – there is no ONE healthy)
- Getting outside…going for a walk, sitting in the sun
INSIDE OUT
- Having self compassion
- Paying attention to your wins…acknowledging the healthy choices you are making
- Stop beating yourself up about things and start seeing your strengths and acknowledging them
Once you begin building this trust muscle, having those more challenging conversations with your doctor, become easier and you start to realize what you do need…you need people who are in your cheering section. Obviously, you want to have someone who cares enough to tell you if your ideas or choices may have challenges before you, but they you should feel relaxed and comfortable sharing your choices with your health team. And that’s what it should be, a team. You work WITH someone. You decide the game plan, and you take constructive feedback if the teammates think your play is bad.
And you know what, sometimes…our teammates think our play is bad…and it ends up being the play that wins the game! So here’s to getting in the game…GO TEAM!
