Hello everyone and welcome back into the Yin-care® podcast. I’m your host, Margaret Jacobson, the Mother Rising.
Today I have what will be the beginning in a series of interviews with women and potentially men who choose to come forward and share their experiences where the Western Industrial Medical Complex directed them to receive certain protocols, treatments, or medicines, procedures even. And these courageous souls chose to listen to their own inner guidance and take a different course of action.
Oftentimes, these choices have been in the face of both resistance from the medical professionals who stand steadfast behind their recommendations. With threats of death running rampant or from family and friends who are incredibly uncomfortable with personalized, intuitive choices that go against a Western medical practitioner or systems advice.
Today I have with us Patricia Hernandez, Alder mother, educator and entrepreneur. Previously working as a Montessori school teacher, followed by working as an entrepreneur. Patricia is currently simultaneously coaching and studying. Her passions are children, nature, educational leadership, spiritual growth, and creating sacred spaces.
Patricia is half Spanish and half Swiss, and at nearly 50 years old, Patricia was raised in the UK and is currently living in the Canary Islands after nearly 30 years of marriage. She is very recently divorced and has two adult children, ages 22 and 25, which puts Patricia right in alignment with my life being at 54 with three kids of very similar ages.
Patricia was formerly an influencer for zero waste and sustainability, but was divinely guided to leave social media and delete all of her accounts. She’s currently involved in the creation of several new and exciting projects that she will launch as she’s continually divinely guided.
So on that note, welcome Patricia to the Yin-care® podcast! I’m so happy you could join me today. Thank you, Margaret. And wow, what an introduction. Sometimes when you hear that and you think, really that’s me? That is you. Own it!
Yeah. Oh, oh my gosh. Well, I’m so pleased. I’ll just preface for the audience to tell them that we met through a program called ESA, the Earth Star Academy, which we’ve been studying under Xi Earth Star. And yeah, I reached out within the community to see if there was anyone that wanted to share some of these experiences and you stepped forward.
So thank you so much for doing that. I appreciate it. Thank you, Margaret. And thank you for allowing us to voice these issues on your platform. I think it’s not only important for people to hear this kind of message, but I think it’s also important for us to step forward and not be afraid of being seen.
So, thank you so much for that. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Oh gosh. Well, I’m, I’d really love if we could start, there’s a lot of different things i’d love to weave into this because you’re such a rich, just life story and interests and things that are building because of this sort of recon or connection with your intuition that’s evolved.
But let’s start with what sort of, initiated it in some ways, I think, from what you’ve described. That you had two medical incidents. One physical and one, I was, it, did you say spiritual or psychological? Emotional? No, it was, one was regarding physical health. Mm-hmm. And I would say the second was regarding emotional and mental health.
Right. Okay. So you could tell us a little bit about, let’s start with whichever one came first and just tell us about what happened if you wouldn’t mind sharing and describe the medical context and all of that kinda stuff. Sure. So, the first one, this was back in 2021. So we were still kind of, at least in Spain, we were still kind of reeling from Covid and there were still lots of covid testing rampant.
So just to put into context when this happened, um, wasn’t a great time to be in a hospital. Yeah. So I had actually had a little accident. I fell, hurt my back, but this didn’t really fully, um, uh, kind of manifest until a couple of weeks later when I just woke up one morning and I couldn’t move.
Mm-hmm. Not having had anything remotely like this before, I’d always been very sporty, really took care of myself. I kind of thought, oh, this is just gonna finish in a couple of hours up. Maybe I just pulled a muscle or strained my back or what have you. Never had anything, never had any issues with my back.
An hour later I still couldn’t move. The pain was excruciating. I was on the floor because to get to my bed, I would have to move my torso and there was just no way I could move either way. I mean, right. I, I talk about it lightly now, but it was excruciating. So you fell on the floor then, is that what. No, I, the fall had happened a few weeks prior to that.
Okay, got it. But I, it, and I kind of, I, I felt uneasy, but nothing really popped then, nothing really happened. I just continued and got on with things. My physiotherapist explained to me later that usually this is what happens. I did not know this, but usually after, just before a severe kind of herniated disc or whatnot, you, they, there usually is something that occurred six weeks earlier.
I didn’t know that, but this is usually the way, tends to happen. So eventually, I didn’t really move for about two days. It, because I did not wanna go to the hospital. It was a time that I just did not wanna have anything to do with the hospital. But eventually I can’t even remember how I got there.
I think it was a week later that I managed to have someone help me to get to my doctor and had an MRI. And it was, I had two completely herniated discs. I had a severe inflammation of the right hip, kind of like a bursitis. Mm-hmm. What happened was that I was in so much fear.
I didn’t wanna take anti, um, inflammatories. I was in so much fear. I was so clenched that it was just, it was one of the most excruciating pains I’ve ever felt. And I was not at all trusting of the medical profession back then. I was just scared of being moved. So when I was in the hospital, there was, it was actually one, yeah, I was taken by ambulance.
I remember now, this was the, about a week later it was taken by ambulance because it just became too overwhelming. I couldn’t move. And I called the emergency room and they said, well, you have to get down here. And I said, but I can’t move. So they said they sent an ambulance. And just to put this into context too, were you with your now, ex-husband and your children? Were they around at the time or? My daughter was around at the time, so she was with me and she was about how old? She was 21 at the time. Okay, hold on. She was, no, this was, she was 19, I think. 19, 20, something like that. Yeah. Okay. So she was, perfectly capable of, of helping me, but it was, I was in so much fear and panic because it really, I didn’t know what it was at the time, but it really felt like one bone was just crushing against the other.
And these men had to put me on the stretcher just to get me to hospital. And it took me about 20 minutes ’cause I refused to let them pick me up ’cause I knew that if my back sank, it would be really painful. So I got myself on the stretcher and when we got to the hospital, you know, when you, when they kind of they pick up the sheet that you are on. Yeah. And move you. So there’s four of the four of them on either side. And I was begging them not to do that. ’cause I knew that if they picked up the sheets on either side, my hip would sink. Mm-hmm. And that would cause ex, you know, ex excruciating pain. And I remember at the time, I, I was just crying and crying because it was just so painful.
Oh my goodness. And I remember that begging them not to lift me up. And there was a really sweet woman and she said, don’t worry, we do this every day. Don’t worry. And at that moment I said, okay, just gonna let go. I’m gonna trust them. They picked me up and my hip sank and it was such tremendous pain. I remember, I, I don’t remember if I out or not, but I remember thinking, that’s it.
My back has gone. My, you know, I just don’t know what. So in, in all of this kind of fear and what’s going on, and you know what’s happening to me and not trusting the people I was with. After the MRI scan, they said, yes, it’s a double hernia. You’ve got this, there’s literally no liquid left between your discs.
And they put me on anti-inflammatory painkillers. It was three or four different pills. And this is someone who doesn’t even take a headache pill. So I went home and I had to take those pills. I made myself take them because I couldn’t sleep. There was no position that was comfortable enough.
So, during this time it was very depressing for me. It was, it was about six weeks that I was in bed. I spent in bed facing up, there was no way I could move side to side without, you know. Oh my goodness. Wow. Choreographing. It was literally choreographing each move. Wow. Um, going to the bathroom, my daughter had to help me to the bathroom.
Wow. It was the most humbling thing. So, I took this medication for about three weeks and around the same time, and now looking back, I am convinced that this was somehow connected too, because it was my sacrum. Mm-hmm. And I somehow think it was connected to whatever happened to my sacrum.
But I feel like my sacral chakra just smashed wide open because- Wow. simultaneous to that, parallel to that, it could have been that I thought it can’t be the drugs they’re giving me. But simultaneous to that, I started having very powerful and spontaneous out of body experiences. Remember, I was facing up the bed for these six weeks and the only, I couldn’t really get to sleep because of the pain, even with the painkillers.
So I’d be in this kind of constant hypnagogic state where I’d be like, between sleep and awake. Mm-hmm. Which is usually when these kind of experiences take place. Right, exactly. So, but I also think it was supposed to happen at the time because what I experienced was absolutely life changing.
I’m not gonna go into all the experiences, but one of them was particularly powerful. It was a full, um, out of body experience where I just saw myself standing in my room. I looked on the bed, I see myself on the bed, and I look at my light body and it was just made of gold. And at that moment, it doesn’t do it justice Margaret, to explain to you now how I felt and what I experienced, because there are no words, I’m sure.
Um, but it changed everything. There is a, there was a before and after that experience, and as a mother of two children who gave birth with no painkillers, but nonetheless, have the most beautiful birth than any mother, as I’m sure you will. You will agree. Giving birth is one of the most beautiful and profound- mm-hmm. -physical, mental, emotional experiences you can have. I’m using this as a kind of a reference point, Margaret, because what I experienced in this out of body experience was so much more profound than anything I’d ever experienced. Wow. And including child giving birth. Wow. It was a before and an after this moment, and I, for the next two weeks I was kind of in a daze, trying to touch things around me.
You know, ’cause it was just everything felt. Like back in the real world, everything felt like this was a dream and what I had experienced was the real thing. And I’m really summarizing this, like I’m really bullet pointing. Yeah, no, no, no. I appreciate that. I, I know because it’s probably such a rich story.
It’s hard to piece that into little bits, I’m sure. So you’re doing a great job. Thank you. The, so the what happened, because all of this was happening simultaneously, this kind of, um, my life just flipped around because whatever I had suspected before or thought about before, or imagined before, or it was, it had completely changed.
It was, there was no, there was this certainty within me that we are not physical beings. And that there is a world and experience a state that is way beyond what we experience physically. And that there was a reason that this happened and I wanted to tune back into that as I’m sure anyone that has had a similar experience will tell you their whole life is dedicated to experiencing that again.
Exactly. So, because all of this came along, my, my intuition started to develop quite strongly. And there was something inside me that said, I’m not going to follow this guidance, and that my body will lead its way out of this. My body will tell me what to do. Okay. So the first thing I did, I remember telling my daughter, I said, and even back then, I wasn’t that in tune.
I wasn’t as in tune as I’m now, right? But something told me that I couldn’t and shouldn’t take the anti-inflammatories ’cause they, one of my doctors said, um, proposed, suggested, and almost declared that I’d be on painkillers for a couple of months and anti-inflammatories. Um, they didn’t rule out surgery.
They kind of, and of course doctors have to do that. They, and they draw a parallel with you and your case and other people who have had similar, less severe or more severe cases. And they’ll kind of say, well, you know, for, for this kind of case, the usual procedure is surgery or this or that medication.
And I was adamant that was not gonna happen to me. So one of the first things I did, I decided was the only thing I could control at that moment was my food. And I said, okay, so I have inflammation in my body, so everything that I’m going to consume, every single thing that is gonna go into my body will be anti-inflammatory.
That’s the first thing I said. And, you know, I’m not a nutritionist. I did study some nutrition, but I, so I went to a nutritionist to guide me because being vegan and having such a limited option, when you limit it even further, you wanna be guided so you get your proteins and everything. So I said, okay.
And I was still in bed at this time and my daughter, she would prepare all my meals and bring them to me, and I’d be, I’d be just prompting her and guiding her, and I’d be like, okay, for breakfast, it’s oatmeal and it has to have three cloves and cardamom. And it was basically like golden milk with all the spices and- wow -and everything had anti-inflammatory spices, anti-inflammatory herbs, the teas, the everything.
And I, I think I did this. I mean, I, originally, I wanted to do it until I started getting better, but I ended up doing it for two years. But needless to say, this was, I think this was in March 21, November, uh, no, October 21, I started, uh, with physiotherapy. I started doing foundation training, fascial maneuvers and I started, by December or January, maybe January, 2022, I was jogging again. No way. Yeah, and it’s, I’m kind of like really fast forwarding, but, at the time I was coaching and I had some students who I would go to give classes to at their homes, in their homes. And some of them were quite close by, so some I did online.
And the ones where I had to walk, because in the beginning it was like almost learning how to walk in a different way so that my movements wouldn’t cause me pain. So I would kind of shuffle for about two months. Mm-hmm. I only kind of slide one foot in front of the other, this kind of shuffle, uhhuh. And the first time I decided I’m gonna go to this person’s house, it’s just five minutes from my house and I’ll just, and I was shuffling on the road. And just to give you an idea of what that was like, I’d to cross the road, you get, you know, there’s like a little island in the middle. Mm-hmm. And so the lights would go green for the pedestrians and I’d shuffle and I’d barely get to the middle.
And it turned red again. It took me that long just to get to the middle. And the roads here are not that big. Like in, they’re in the states. Wow. They’re not that wide. Right, right. And so it would take me ages to get anywhere, but, and always with this fear in the back of my mind of what if it happens again?
What if I bend over or do this? There was this constant fear, even though, and there was also fear that what if I’m not doing the right thing? Mm-hmm. What if I should have done this? What if I should have had the surgery? What if I should have continued with these anti-inflammatory? And I didn’t wanna know anything about what the doctor has said.
And now looking back. I realize that this was my initiation to trusting myself, and it’s still very scary. It was very scary. But, I’m giggling a little bit because that’s, such a foundational element that I always go back to as well. That it really is this level of, there’s something that’s coupled between that I find anyway between relaxing into feeling held by the universe.
Like there’s a space of feeling supported and held while at the same time there’s something that happens where we kind of retrain ourselves to show up as dependable for ourselves. And as we do things like you did, like, I’m gonna, now I’m gonna walk over there, I’m gonna show myself that I am, I can trust myself to walk very slowly and carefully.
And it builds this sense of trust that like, not only are you honoring yourself, you’re showing up and honoring yourself, doing it in the way that feels comfortable. But by having the success, the success of getting there and not being in total pain or whatever it could be for people that you’re showing yourself to be trustworthy, you know?
And then I think that lays this like really incredible foundation for all of these other pieces to start coming in. So share with us what happened. As you continued. Absolutely. I love what you just said because it is this beautiful relearning, and as an educator, it’s been one of the most humbling things.
I always use metaphors and imagery that have to do with nature. And I feel like we all go through this at different times, different circumstances, different moments in different ways, but it’s like we, we start off like a seed, right? And we have this unique blueprint, unique codes in the DNA and that seed is either gonna grow up to be a flower, a shrub, an oak tree, um, a plant.
But only when that environment is right does the seed kind of crack open. Right, exactly. And usually it’s also because of pressure. ’cause it’s growing in there. So when the pressure is just too much, it cracks open and you get these roots going down and these shoots going up, right?
Mm-hmm. And I always see, you know, we are these seeds, we’re kind of waiting, we’re in the seed phase quite a long time actually in our society. We stay in the seed phase for a really long time. And then when we start growing, this is the kind of, the remembering and the healing and oh yes, this is who we are.
And then the flowering eventually is that rebirth when you are ready now to share your wisdom. The flower shares its seeds for the next generation, right? Mm-hmm. So not only are you ready to share your wisdom, but you are ready to be seen as you are, right? Mm-hmm. Exactly.
There’s this beautiful, and as an educator, I always, this is why the seed phase and the seed phase is not just early childhood. For a lot of us, it’s, it takes a long time. The seed phase is when we need that nurturing, the right environment, because many of us have grown very deep roots, but they were plugged into sources that maybe were not the right ones for us.
Exactly. So when we start to undo or unlearn what we were taught. Right? Mm-hmm. And then this is when we really start to grow different roots. Right? Right. So that first incident was kind of like my first initiation as an adult. But the second one was, sorry, was that what you asked me just now?
What’s that? Was that what you asked me now to, to tell you about? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, let me ask you just a couple other things about that incident, before we go on. So what were, what kind of information were you co consist, it sounds like you, you were able to, once you made the decision to, to stay out of the medical system, you just were able to stay out of it. Right? You didn’t have people pressuring you, the medical professionals pro pressuring you, or were they hounding you? I don’t know what it’s like where you, where you were living at the time. Are you still in the same place or? I’m still here in the Canary Islands.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And yeah, if they were pressuring you, and then also what was your family, what was the societal, familial, pressures as far as your healing process? What were their thoughts and were they sharing what they thought you should do and how did you counter that? Okay.
Yeah, great question. Yeah, absolutely. My, my doctors were not hounding me, but there was pressure. I think because it’s a kind of an area where obviously they have to cover their backs. They have to say, well, we think you should do this. And I’ve always felt, ever since my kids were little, that it’s a case of quite often they have to cover their backs, so. Mm-hmm.
You know, take antibiotics. But I kind of knew, no, I know my body, I know my children’s body. We don’t need antibiotics for this. So I already had that kind of practice saying no amongst the pressure of family and peers, because of course this is all they know. You have to go to the doctor, you have to.
So, at the time, there were two of my students, funny enough, who had been through something similar. One of them had was suffering from lumbar pain, and the other one, I think it was also either sciatic or also herniated discs. I can’t remember. One of them was a colleague at the school where I had worked previously and she had been off work for almost a year, I think between six months and a year. And then a student that I was teaching, she was having, she was having shots of painkillers every week. She had to go for shots of painkillers. And then they told her she had to have surgery. And so there was this kind of, there was a conversation.
There was a conversation, the people around me, and there was a kind of, this is, it was a kind of a quiet expectation that this is what happens. You’re supposed to take time off work and you could be up to one year without gaining all your functions back. Right.
They’d be sharing their stories. So there was this kind of looming fear of it’s all around me. This is what’s expected, right? Mm-hmm. So there were times where I did feel a little bit, yeah, I felt a little bit lonely in that sense, but I had already began to listen in different ways to what my body was telling me.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. So, and what about your, and it sounds like your daughter was really supportive of your choices. No, absolutely. She was not. Oh, she was? Yes. Yeah, absolutely. I was like, oh no, in, we like, oh, wow. Yeah, exactly. Love it. She was absolutely supportive and I think, you know how everything always happens for a reason.
Yeah. And it’s not just situation you are going through, we’re all going through it Collectively, we think, oh, this is happening to me. This is happening to me. It’s not happening to me. There’s something that is happening collectively, but you are experiencing this right now. Right, right, right. It was one of, I think it was beautiful as a mother daughter thing because it was the embodiment of resilience and- mm-hmm -trust and at the time I wasn’t thinking that, I wasn’t thinking, I’m gonna do this just to show my daughter that I can, and I’m this, and I’m that. I wasn’t thinking that at all. I was too busy coping with pain and you know? Right, right. What do I do next? How do literally, where do I place the next step?
Right, step. Exactly. Yeah. But it was very beautiful and it was very healing. I feel for her as much as it was for me. There was. There was a kind of a rite of passage that I feel she experienced, and of course only she can say this, but it was when you are called to help in your tribe because you know. Yeah.
The big woman is down, or. Right? Exactly. Yeah. To all of a sudden draw every draw from every single resource that you have, all your nurturing skills. And she had to have my back. Literally have my back. Wow. That is powerful. That is a powerful phrase to, you know, that’s really great.
What, and were you, what about, I know you have another y young adult child, right? And then your now ex-husband, were they in the picture at the time and what were their thoughts? I think my. My son was in the UK at the time. Yeah, he was in the UK at the time. Oh, uh oh, he was in, no, he was in China, but then, no, I think he was in the uk.
It was 2021. He wasn’t around, physically. Right. That I remember. My husband at the time, yes, he was around. I don’t wanna say that I didn’t feel supported, but it was just a very lonely time. And I think that when you are physically down Yeah. All the other things start adding up, right? Mm-hmm.
But I was resilient. I kind of, you know, like when, when an animal gets hurt -mm-hmm- and it knows exactly what to do. It will go into a corner and it won’t let anyone near it because it knows that it cannot move. Yes. And it won’t move, and it’ll do this and that. That’s how I felt. So it’s like I didn’t, I wasn’t so much thinking, well, what do other people think?
What do other people need? What do, I was forced to stop everything from the people pleasing to the doing. Everyone I was, that situation in my life forced me to stop doing that. And so were you able to shut out? Like was he, I guess what I’m getting at is, was there any subtle sense of, I mean, it sounds like you, I, I understand what you’re saying as far as being able to shut everything else out, but was there still like a sense of expectation on his part that you should be at a better place or that you should be going back to the medical system for more help?
And, or maybe he was completely supportive and that’s absolutely okay. This is your story. I’m just curious for, because sometimes a partner can be supportive, but we feel like energetically there can be a sense that their mind and their energy is really in a different space.
Does that make sense? You know what I’m saying? Trying to describe absolute sense. Absolute sense. That’s such a fascinating question because I hadn’t really thought about it, but because he knew that I have this kind of personality where if I wanted something, I would get it done. If it really means something to me, I will have the discipline and the diligence to get that done.
So there was a kind of, letting me be. Mm-hmm. But because I had proved in the past that if I wanted to achieve a goal, physically or say, even when I said, right, I’m just from tomorrow, that’s it. I’m vegan. Right. And everyone was yeah, whatever. Yeah. You know, but 12 years later, going strong, my son was like, no, mom, your muscles, you’re gonna die.
And you know, so it was, they kind of, they like, we give up with her like we know she’s gonna, but there, I think because of the time went around when this happened, it was a time of great tension -mm-hmm- in families. And there was just generally this great tension in the air where people were just frustrated. And I think anything that was, anything where there would usually be tenderness or more space or it just didn’t happen at that time.
Generally, it’s what I felt, you know, it was like everything was so intense -yeah- and complex because of what I was trying to rebuild. Mm-hmm. But I was, because I had that experience, there was a turning into myself. There was a, oh, there’s something. ’cause I did share that experience with him. There’s something here, and I don’t know why it happened to me at that time, but it happened for a reason.
And it was to show me what we are all capable of, what we are all, what we all hold inside, right? Mm-hmm. And I was convinced that this is what was going to help me battle and navigate everything else. So fast forward two years, I eventually, after that I was jogging again and dancing again, and it was, I went really deeply into my meditation practices and started deepening my intuition quite a bit more to the point where, I don’t even know what this is called, but it was a kind of, I don’t know whether it’s cla, sentience, or telepathy with your body.
Mm-hmm. But it became so deepened after that first experience when I thought, okay, I’m gonna, and also through what I’ve been studying with my beautiful teacher Xi,um.I started diving really deeply into, wow, I have a relationship with my body. I can communicate with my body. Not only can I communicate with my body, but I can deeply listen. And the more I did this and there was this res, the same resilience I had from that first experience, but it just got deeper and deeper.
Mm-hmm. Where I would ask my body, what do you need today? And I would literally either see a flower, like there was one time I was just meditation. I just saw this kind of kin, flowers just falling everywhere. And I thought, oh, I need kin. And in the beginning it was quite playful and quite light.
The validation was always, by the way, I didn’t know the echinacea flower was purple. I had to Google that. And the validation always came when I later Googled something because it was quite often a flower or a herb or a plant medicine that I hadn’t heard of. Right. Just to give you a recent example, I was asking my body what it needed, and I heard red clover.
I didn’t know this existed, right? I thought, oh, clovers aren’t red. So I Googled it and yes, lo and behold, there’s not only a herb, it’s a supplement, it’s the tea. And it was just checked all the boxes for everything I needed. It was for menopause, it was for, I think it was circulation hormones. I thought, perfect.
So what I started doing was I started working that muscle, right? Mm-hmm. Became deeper and much more beautiful. But as I began that journey and I started getting into different healing modalities. I studied reiki, I started looking at the records. All of this based on that experience that I had where I thought this information out there, there is knowledge, there is wisdom that is beyond this 3D body that I can have access to, that we can all have access to. But we, it’s like we all have access to going to the gym, but if you don’t do it right, that is a fantastic way to describe that.
That is awesome. Yes. You won’t work that biceps, so you can’t complain and say, yeah, but I don’t have biceps. It’s like, mm-hmm. Are you working it? Exactly. It was that kind of thing, and I thought everything was just so beautiful and mery and you know, meditation and my second, the second incident, which led to that complete mental health breakdown- mm-hmm- was in October, 2023. I’m not gonna go into minute details, just out of respect for my children, but it was unexpected. It was absolutely devastating for me. It was a shock and I knew it was gonna signal the end of my marriage, which was everything I had known since I was an adult my entire adult life.
I had been with this man since I was 21 years old. It was so devastating. Mm-hmm.
That’s your cat. I’m so sorry. My cat is like, so I normally do the inter the interviews later in the day, but because of our timing and she’s just like, she’s wandering around like, why are we in here right now? What are we doing? It’s surreal. She’s like, just when I was talking how devastating it was.
She’s like, yeah, come on. No, she’s actually very regally holding space for us over there, but she is definitely like, can I participate in this? Yeah, they do that though. Animals do that. Absolutely do that. I love it. I know that kind of, this is me telling my story in a different way. Yeah, so, uh, it shook me to the core. I feel like intuitively I’m picking up on, and I won’t say what I, what I feel like likely happened, but I’m just feeling into something very devastating for the entire family. Yeah. And so, um, I can see where that would cause a large mental break. Yeah. And so my heart just goes out to you.
Thank you. Thank you. It was, um, when I say it shook my foundations because my foundations were built on this, me being a mother, a wife, a lover, a best friend. Yeah. This was my whole identity. This was my entire identity since I became an adult. There was nothing else that I knew, and I had kind of built layer upon layer of this identity based on my relationship, and my role in the family and so on and so forth.
Yeah. So for me, it was a complete dismantling of my identity. There was a lot of, uh, PTS, uh, post-traumatic stress. Um, it came the, the whole situation in the beginning. I wouldn’t, I didn’t wanna tell anyone about it. I was in complete shock, that then went to, I think I experienced the entire human spectrum of emotions.
It went into sadness, into rage, into absolute grief. Yeah. Into everything. It was unworthiness, it was the full spectrum of emotion. Right? Yeah. And in all of this, and bearing in mind I had those tools, I had meditation, I had, but it was just so devastating for me at the time that I eventually asked for help.
But it was only when it got to a point where I was contemplating what would be the nicest, smoothest and gentlest way of not waking up the next day. Now, when I’m saying it now, I feel like, wow, where was I in what place was I to feel that? But it, that’s exactly how I felt. And, because I knew that if I went to my doctor, I mean, it was, um, outta the question. I didn’t want to. I first reached out to a friend, well, actually I didn’t know her, but I was divinely guided to this person who helped me some coaching, and also had acupuncture because my, I think every meridian was closed. Like, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t. And I remember she asked me if I had seen a doctor or if I was planning to, I said, no. And she totally respected that. And she said to me that the reason she asked me is because she had treated a few women during the course of her career with similar stories. And she said, I really salute you because I’ve treated women who have not experienced as tragic or as complex a trauma as you’ve experienced, and they’re still taking antidepressants to this day. And at that moment, I really did feel grateful because, again, I knew that my friends, my family would somehow encourage me to look for a solution that maybe seemed the way to go for them. But I knew I was gonna have none of that because I couldn’t have come this far to then stop believing in, in my body and my wisdom. It was one of the most difficult transitions I’ve ever gone through. Now, looking back a year and a few months later, I feel like I’m in a completely different place.
But one of the things that happened when I decided that, despite the popular route, which is, go see a doctor, go see a psychologist, take antidepressants, because I’d never experienced post-traumatic stress before. I didn’t know, I knew what it was, but I didn’t know you could get it just from, just relationship problem or, I didn’t know that, but I couldn’t walk down certain streets.
I was in panic thinking that I’d bump into certain people I couldn’t leave my house or if I left my- that’s so interesting you say that because I didn’t consider that to be post-traumatic stress either. I had some of that myself. Yeah. Yeah. Also, I’d go out to the shop and I’d be walking down the street and then halfway down to the shop I’d have to return because I forgot what I had gone to the shop for.
Mm-hmm. It was this constant, reliving of the situation and anticipating that something that would remind me of it or that something that might trigger it could appear at any moment. Right. Mm-hmm. So it was that kind of stress from the -yeah, it was constant stress. It was so. Thanks to some beautiful souls that came into my life at that time, I realized that the first thing I needed to do was to regulate my nervous system.
And again, I wasn’t gonna do this regulation with antidepressants or any kind of pharmaceuticals. This is when I would say it was the second or the biggest initiation I’ve had. ’cause when I look back at the first incident, that was just kind of a little precursor, and this was like the real deal.
And it was like, okay, now you’ve got your tools. What are you gonna do with them? And that’s when I consider that there was a real rebirth there because I remember that night . November, I think it was November, 2023. And I was just sitting on my meditation cushion and crying my eyes out and knowing that to take the next step. No, it was actually, it’s coming to me now, and it was very powerful. I knew that the person that was to move on forward from that moment wasn’t me. It wasn’t the me that was there on that mat crying. It had to be able for this to be survivable, it couldn’t be me, the me that lived through it. That had to continue for it to be survival for me. Sorry, I muted myself because of my cat, but, I was saying the old you had to die basically. Exactly. And it was a real physical thing that I felt, because the way I saw it, it’s when you take a glass and it’s not just that you smash it and you still have little pieces and you can glue it together, it’s like Smith rings.
It’s like it’s crushed to powder when the complexity or the pain or the trauma, it’s just, it’s, it was from everywhere. It was like a really bad movie. It was so intense and so complex that I thought, there’s no way I can put these pieces back together. I can’t move forward from this.
I know this is when I truly understood to rise from the ashes. I truly understood what it meant. It’s so true. And it sounds like you were, it’s so interesting that you’re sharing this story with me today because ironically, you were saying you had some dear friends and people that popped into your life at this time.
And, I too was really gifted with a beautiful soul that popped into my life at the time of my divorce, basically, which was everything. It was crushing in my, I haven’t really gone into it in this podcast. I used to have ano another podcast before. But basically it was a very traumatic divorce with a very controlling ex husband.
And, there were all kinds of things that were happening that the kids were basically taken away from me in many ways. And I was, it was the same thing. Everything I knew was being a wife and a mother and, I was, my work was just budding. I was barely getting back into work at the time that this happened to me and all this stuff.
But anyway, I was gifted with this beautiful friendship, this woman Jane Gould, and she just passed away on Sunday. And, she had multiple sclerosis. But I just wanna speak into this conversation, what you shared, because I think so much of, there can be this sense of, and of course we are alone in that really dark night of the soul, and that rising from the ashes moment.
But to have even just a couple moments of a very loving, tender, soulful hand that’s being, that’s holding your hand for just a few moments is so powerful and in sisterhood, it’s, it can be difficult to find that. And so I just wanna honor your friends that came forward for you during that time also as being like a piece of a piece that, that helped maybe give you a little bit of the fire that you needed to rekindle.
Yeah. I love what you just shared because it was through sisterhood and the one of the first beautiful women that I went to. I remember one of the first questions she asked is, why did you wait so long? Mm. And I said, I just didn’t wanna burden anyone. I was ashamed. I didn’t wanna let anyone down.
I thought, because she asked me, why didn’t you tell your sister or your mother? And I said, there was a whole range of emotions. I said, I felt ashamed that my marriage had failed. Mm-hmm. That I had failed. It was just, I felt ashamed. And I remember that she was saying, but this is not your shame to carry.
She also said a very important thing. She said, well, if this had happened to your sister, how would you have felt if she suffered for three months in silence? And I said, I would’ve been devastated that she hadn’t shared it with me. And she said something that’s just profoundly changed everything around.
She said, what on earth makes you think that it is not a privilege for other people to help you? And I was, my mouth, I couldn’t answer her back because it had never occurred to me. ’cause she said, how do you feel when you help other people? I said, I love it. It’s a privilege, it’s an honor for me to help other people.
Mm-hmm. And she told that around me. She flipped that on me and she said, what on earth makes you think it’s not a privilege for another sister or another woman or another person to help you through this? And I was just dumbstruck. I didn’t know what to say. It had not occurred to me, wow, this is the wound that we’re healing as women having been broken apart in our sisterhood, you know?
And, um, so. That’s a beautiful gift that she gave you. That is really, those are profound words, I would say. Yeah. Yeah. It was truly a moment where I had to enter a space of humility and just ask for help. And I said, I’m just gonna say yes to whoever offers me something or wants to help me. And it was so funny because that year it was 2024, gosh, it’s last year.
It feels like it was 10 years ago. All of a sudden, friends that I hadn’t spoken to in a while, they just came back into my life and, you know, come to the States and come to France and stay with me in Germany and, let’s travel together. And they were just taking me everywhere. And I felt so blessed.
But it was my initiation into, you know, stop the people pleasing. And you have to do everything in this kind of martyrdom that we subscribe to when we’re in this, these kind of relationships. And just understand that we are held not just by our community and our physical family and friends and soul family, but there’s a deeper level of that where through my listening and my meditation. I realized, or I came to the realization that there is, we’re held in every corner.
In every corner at every moment, and. This is the part that, after this kind of rebirth, this flowering, is when you start to align. So there’s this moment of, you know, if you wanna use the imagery of the seed and the flower, the seed starts to grow, it cracks open that vessel, that pod cracks open.
And you start to re you start to reroot, I would say, right? You start to, you realize that your, where your roots have been. And, but because that kind of dissolved, you have to start putting your roots down again. But where are you gonna put them down this time? How are you gonna put them down? Right? So, because my experiences were accompanied by this kind of, this opening field of awareness that there is something in all of us that is more organic, more beautiful, more divine than what we, or how we’ve been programmed. I thought, right. I have a chance in this rebirth to grow new roots. And that journey is when we start healing and remembering where do my roots want to go organically.
Right. I love it. Yeah. And then the actual flowering is the, and if you think of it one, look at the tree when you start, when those roots are really deep. That trunk is really strong. That’s when not only you start living in alignment and living in service, but you start creating legacy, right?
It’s that tree now. And that is what for me. So despite talking about these two events, which at the time were devastating, they were actually the most beautiful things that could have happened to me in retrospect because as an educator, it made me see, it made me realize that the way these seeds have to be nurtured, especially in the early years, it just has to be done in a different way, has to be done in a different way so that we don’t have all these cracking of seeds and like, these are violent, aggressive wake up calls and- Right. -why can’t we be nurtured from when we’re in that seed space? Right, exactly. I think it’s, I think it’s so interesting, to put this in context for the other listeners, but one of the things that’s discussed by Xi in the Earth Star Academy and in some of her stuff on YouTube that’s available as well, but is this concept of having, it’s like your feminine energy was finally feeling a sense of wholeness and then this masculine architecture could come into place to support yourself again. It’s like, as you trustingly took that one step,, sh the one, one and two step shuffle, the other foot could, the whole body could come and support the next step.
And it’s like these building of these little baby steps that we do, we create this whole new foundation, this whole new place from which to start to grow again. And I do believe that is really how our true original Lightbody architecture starts to come back online in the correct shaping because it’s been so beaten down.
And just to speak to this interesting sense around marriage and the structure of what we know to be, or what we are taught, I should say. What we have been taught that is how a family and how a marriage, how it’s supposed to look. You know, and that it, I do believe it’s people like you and me, that in the breaking down of that false sense of what it is, that we’re able to really build and lay the foundation.
Because one of, and it really caused me to reflect when my friend just passed away in what we were doing because we were so actively. She was a yoga instructor and I was doing wellness coaching and such. We were very much, doing our meditation, doing all the things on our path of spiritual practice, et cetera.
And we were in the baby phases of our development as far as building our muscle was concerned. But we were actively creating what we wanted to be, what we knew that there was a different way to be, and the whole community that we were in at the time was so hyper judgmental and hyper, um, it was weird. They were very pro. They were very, they would call, they would definitely all describe themselves to be as feminists, but the whole community really catered to the fathers in our divorce scenario, the legal system. I mean, we were battling it out with trying to just get e equal time with our kids.
It was terrible. Like the whole community was really, so what I’m, but what I’m really speaking into here is the fact that we can bloom into the ethers in a sense, and then fill, the architecture sort of fills in how to create the support structure of what we are. Mindfully and consciously creating, you know?
Does that make sense? Absolutely. With my cat yelping in the background. Sorry. Yeah, it absolutely makes sense because it’s hard after you’ve been conditioned and taught and programmed for so many years to analyze the hell outta everything. So that feminine aspect that landed, that had to land in me, there was no other way that I would get through this, was to heal those parts that had been wounded, that feminine aspect that landed was the one that opened this great space for trust, and it, that, it just takes me back always to that metaphor of the seed.
You have to trust the process. You have to trust the process. Everyone has a unique blueprint. Encoded in that seed is a unique blueprint for the highest potential for that seed. Whether it becomes a tree, whether it becomes a flower, whether it stops halfway because it’s gonna be eaten by an animal, and this animal will then be serving a human or whatever that highest potential is for that seed.
It doesn’t look around and judge or analyze the situation. It just is. It just knows that it’s connected to this network in the soil, and it knows that it just has to go to the light. And it knows that. It knows that when the environment, when the environment is ready, it just knows what to do.
There’s this innate organic intelligence, what I call intelligence, which is very- Yes. That’s, yeah. Why don’t you speak to that just a little bit too, that you and I were trading in our emails about, your deep commitment to bringing this organic intelligence online and in the face of artificial intelligence.
Right. So, do you wanna speak to that a little bit? Absolutely. I think it’s from our deepest moments of vulnerability that we start seeing what our sacred purpose is. And one of the things that was very clear to me was that if this is happening to me and I can train this muscle and I can connect with so much knowledge through my body, through my deep listening.
I can get answers without even going on internet. And then I will validate the answers I receive by going on internet. I mean, this is very profound. I mean, I, this is, I am no one special in the sense that I’m not a medical medium. I’m not. But just the other day, I was going through a couple of weeks of just very heavy bladder.
And again, my mom, bless her soul, insisting, you have to go to the doctor, you have to get antibiotics, you have to go to the doctor, you have to get antibiotics. And I was like, all right, I’m just gonna, it was just going on for so long. I said, that’s it. I’m just gonna tune in. 2:00 AM in the morning. I wake up and I said, right, perfect.
Time to tune in. And what I, the message I received from my body, the first thing I heard was liver. This is how you know that? No, I can’t be making this up. I have no idea about what the organs do, but, the liver and blood, like the liver and blood, and then I heard, oh, right. And I see and I hear, um, celery, right?
So I’m like, okay, my body’s telling me I need celery and that is not actually, the bladder has to do with the liver. So I hop onto the internet and I’m checking to see what the correlation between inflamed bladder and the liver is. And that lo and behold, if your liver is trying to eliminate toxins, like heavy metals and so forth, it does affect the bladder.
So, I say, right, okay, it’s telling me it needs celery juice. So I’m like on celery juice now, my third day and the bladder discomfort has gone. And I’m like, how do you say this to, wow, how do you say this to people? So I’m thinking that it cannot be just me, just because I’ve taken the time to explore this because I was desperate.
I was desperate. There was no other way for me, I have to do this. There’s no other way. So how does this all relate to organic intelligence? This is our original organic intelligence. It’s the intelligence that comes from our body’s technology. And again, big shout out to my beautiful teacher Xi from Earth Star Academy, because this was a whole new world for me.
I knew it was happening, but I didn’t know it was a thing. And oh, I didn’t know it was a thing. I didn’t know it. Well, yes, our bodies had this beautiful technology. Yeah, it’ll tell you exactly what you need. Tapping into your somatic intelligence, you will know what’s up, whether it’s an emotional thing, whether it’s something that you need to add to your diet, whether it’s, so I thought, really, we had to get to this age and this time and go through all of this to just remember who we are truly supposed to be, how we’re supposed to operate, and what our true mechanics are.
Children have this innately. I’ve worked with children for over 25 years. I love, love this. Yes, love this. I love where you’re going with this. Yes. They see things, Margaret, they see colors, they sing in colors. They connect to nature differently. They have their own inner drive and their own criteria of success.
They don’t do things because they’re going to get a reward or a punishment, or they do it because they have this inner drive, this inner motivation. And what do we do? We shut that down. Mm-hmm. When the kid reaches children are born with high, with their set of instructions as we all are that beautiful blueprint, just like the seed has, like this is your highest potential.
This is how you’re, it’s not analytical, you just know. It’s that pure living, they don’t live in the present in, in the past or the future. They’re just in the present in full joy, in play, in creativity, in play, in innocence. Right. But we start telling them that what they’re following is wrong, not directly telling them, but you know, around age six is when they enter formal education and that’s when they start to shut these down.
And I can tell you tens, dozens, if not hundreds of stories of children. I have witnessed who, as a preschool teacher, I was with them for the first maybe from three to six. Mm-hmm. And then encountering those children later on in life and in many cases wondering what happened? What happened when this child was so awake and ignited and joyful and pure, and.
This is why it’s one of my passions. One of, I feel it’s a great part of my mission to reeducate educators. Yes. ’cause they have to know what it is. They’re nurturing, but you will not know what you are nurturing until you tap into that yourself. Oh, I love it. I love it. You’re making me think and I want, if you’re not familiar with, I wanna tell you about, are you familiar with Penny Kelly? I can’t tell you. No. I’ll send you some links. But she’s a really interesting woman, but she has a good following of people on, I think more, I guess she does have a YouTube channel.
I think her YouTube channel got shut down at one point or another too. But, and she’s on Rumble and I think her website is Consciousness on Fire. And she is a, an educator. She’s also a trained naturopath. So she has written a mini book. She’s has a whole family, an off planet family that she gets guidance from, or has had guidance from, et cetera. But in any case, I know that she has been working to create some kind of curriculum for educators specifically related. So I feel like you may want to tap into that community because there, there may be some interesting, I don’t think she’s, she hasn’t started that yet.
She’s been doing a lot of natural healing and teaching people how to take care of themselves and she has classes on intuition and building your intuition. But I know that it is a deep passion of hers to work on education for young children because I think she has had her faint her hands in that, and she’s
maybe 10 years older than us. A little, maybe a little older than that. She looks incredibly young. Like she’s really, but anyway, she has an interesting story, but I totally agree with you. And I have been involving myself re recently in the, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the Sovereign Birth Community, the Free Birth Society, and, I’m doing their Radical Birth Keeper School.
And it’s funny to me, again, like we said, you and I have sort of lived some lifetimes to get to this age and to suddenly go, it’s crazy that I’m participating in all of these, these prenatal and birth channels, but it’s definitely a calling that I have is to stop the madness mostly in the medical system of things, which is why we’re having this conversation, which is basically the only way to sort of dismantle a bad system that cannot be fixed is to find the tools that we have inside of us, the strength to step out of it and make these fresh choices and listen to our intuition and listen to our own inner guidance. And then when we can step out of it and see that we have the perfect guidance that we need, right?
We have everything that we need right there. Really, for the most part. There are very few times that we need, if we granted, we’ve been totally, our environment has been polluted. Our food supply has been polluted. We’re electromagnetically being bombarded by things that are making life very challenging for us to live in a high frequency.
But we are continually showing ourselves to be incredibly resilient. Right? Oops, sorry. There goes my cat. We’re continually showing ourselves to be incredibly resilient, right? And, so within building that muscle of trust, this whole other system can come, can dismantle itself while at the same time we can creatively rebuild what we do want in a care system.
What I am terming as our health creation system. So not, we don’t need anyone caring for us. Like we can, if we choose to have someone care for us, but to have it be from a creative standpoint. We stand more in our sovereign choice of health. Right. So anyway, this was, this has just been a perfect conversation to have around all of that.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it seems like it was, it’s only been a glimpse and that’s just to show how much there is behind all of this, but, I absolutely agree. It’s trusting the process once that trust is born. Yeah. That muscle of trust. Yeah, absolutely. So I do wanna, I’m gonna do one, one other thing I’m gonna share my screen. So I have created a couple things on our website, and hopefully you can see this. This is if for, if anyone is out there that wants to share your story, like Patricia has shared with us today on the Yin-care® website, there is, it’s yincare.com/sovereignhealthchoicereport/ and I’ll put that on the screen in a minute.
But there’s a form you can fill out because everybody needs to start hearing more how you have chosen for yourself, your own intuitive guidance over maybe what a medical professional has chosen for you, and how did you know to choose your own vibrant health solution? So I have that form.
And then I also have another form, which is if you’ve had an incident, a health or medical incident, either administrative, I put administration on here because it can be like really crappy. Receptionists even, that have really disempowered you and made you to feel belittled. You made you to feel unworthy of owning your own health and diminished you in a way that created you to be a victim where they were the savior.
So I wanna hear about those as well. And this is a place on the website and I’ll link these all in the show notes as well. But it’s yincare.com/healthmedicaladministrationincidentreport/ so there’s two resources that I would love to have people access and I’ll go ahead and put those up while we’re chatting.
There’s the administrative incident report. So yeah, I hope that there’s other people that, that decide to share their stories like you have. Thank you so much, Patricia. Thank you. And I can just see how many unique experiences and stories that are out there that you will most certainly receive because I just feel like it’s a phenomena that is, it really is growing, this reclaiming our sovereignty.
And not to say that we don’t need the medical system, but definitely we have to start trusting in that innate intelligence that we have. Yeah. Yeah. I think that when, if we can do it in this fashion of really re reclaiming, truly reclaiming our own, our own intuition and our own inner guidance and our own health creation choices, that it will really be extremely apparent what pieces of what tiny little pieces that are good within the Western Industrial Medical Complex that we want to salvage.
But I, I envision it in being a completely different way. For example, the one thing that basically everybody can agree on is that surgery would probably be a good thing to keep, you know? Mm-hmm. And some of the lab work, the labs are really the blood work, it can be really helpful. Some of the diagnostic tools can be helpful, but the structure.
The administrative structure, which is partly why, and I have a Master’s in Health Services Administration, which is partly why I put that on the report, is that we, the administrative structure is the piece that sort of is foundational and what’s holding up the system. And if we can create an environment that truly honors the individual sovereignty and health choices of each individual that comes into the system that has to be like from the phone call that they receive when someone comes in, you know. Just the way in which things are handled that really offers an option to step into one’s own power.
So in that sense, you are create, laying a foundation of empowerment for the people. And that goes with just how the visits are presented and not using a white coat with the doctor and not using this, these kind of mental, emotional, physical things that have differentiated power over someone.
Yeah. So like a complete restructuring of how we’re creating an environment. And I know that people have played with health and healing centers, but I don’t feel like we’re quite there yet. I feel like the ones that I’ve seen, because I’ve been in this field for a long time, have in some ways mimicked.
They’ve, it mimicked in their, mostly in their financial models, in their financial models of trying to, you know, because they have to financially be viable. There’s a lot of marketing and it’s very, you know, trying to get people to come for a bunch of visits and stuff like that. And that too takes away from the sovereign health choice of a patient in a sense, because you’re energetically sucking them in a way that is not appropriate as far as their health is concerned.
So, we’ve got some work to do, is all I’m saying. But I do see, there’s so many bright things on the horizon. It’s really exciting to me. I feel the same way. I feel great optimism and I really feel intuitively that things are changing, which is why also I’m so grateful that you have this platform because there are just hundreds, if not thousands, if not millions of women who have started tuning into a different system of inner intelligence.
And it can be a lonely path. It could be a lonely path when you don’t have community yet or when you, yeah, you just. Starting to do things differently to the ways that you were taught. So very grateful to you. That’s perfect. That is such a perfect way to wrap it up because, and you’re welcome.
And I really do invite people, please share with me your stories, because the more stories like Patricia we have, the more people will feel that this is the normal way. This is absolutely how we’re meant to be living in our full capacity as sovereign men and women living on the land and soil of this earth.
So I look forward, Patricia, to us staying connected. I’m so grateful that we got to meet, and I would love if you would share with us as you develop any programs for educators or little ones or what have you. We would love to share that on the Yin-care® podcast. That would be awesome. I will do, yes.
Thank you so much, Margaret. Wonderful. Thank you.
