Ep 58: Medical Indoctrination: Overcoming Fear, Shame, and Compliance

 Stop play acting to protect your peace. Today we’re identifying the internal voices of indoctrination so you can finally rise wild and free. Welcome. Welcome in everyone. I am your host, Margaret Jacobson, the Mother Rising, and this is the Yin-care® podcast. You may notice the new setup. This is our new office in the new YAO Clinic. So I’m very excited to be here today and share this with you Today we are going to be continuing the medical indoctrination series, which I’m really excited about. And if you are finding that this series is supportive, it really helps. When you like the episode, subscribe, turn on notifications. Share it with someone who you know is quietly questioning healthcare but doesn’t yet have the language for what they’re feeling. This is how women and men who are ISTs for this work actually find it. So that would be great. And I’m just gonna do a little check-in here before we move forward. I really want to honor the gentle act of sovereignty from our last episode. I had invited you to take a few minutes to sketch two pyramids on a piece of paper. On the first we were to draw in the system pyramid, as you understand it, you at the bottom right with the layers we talked about stacked above you, and on the second, drawing your own sovereign pyramid, you at the top. Then family, community, and truly independent, wise advisors beneath. Put that somewhere where you’d see it during the week and just, you know, take a breath and check in. Did you draw them? If you did draw this, what did you notice every time your eyes sort of landed on those pyramids? Did anything shift in how you felt about making appointments, taking advice, or even reading health news? And if you didn’t get to it, no shame. Truly. I know this can seem like it may be a superfluous exercise, but it’s actually critical that you know inside and out where you stand. You are standing in this matters. Are you standing under an authority or over it? Do you understand it or do you overstand it? I highly suggest going back to episode 57 and re-listening. It’s not too long. Go back and remind yourself of the pyramid. We are building something here, and that is truly foundational. Then after you draw them, just imagine those two pyramids, they can start changing the way your nervous system orients to care. Alright. If you feel called to share what you drew or what came up, I would absolutely love to hear from you. You can comment on YouTube or Rumble where this is, or message us through our social media channels or simply fill out the contact [email protected]. So brief recap in episode one, we named the system as a kind of police state surveillance framed as protection. Monitoring, framed as responsibility, compliance rewarded and refusal punished, and you treated as a billable risk rather than a sovereign human. And we mapped in episode two, the Pyramid of Power. We saw that you are in reality at the bottom of the medical industrial pyramid, and we began to imagine a new pyramid with you at the top. Held by family, community, and truly wise, less captured practitioners or maybe even practitioners who are not captured amazing. Right? Today, we’re moving from the outside world to the inside because the most effective way a system like this maintains control isn’t through policies and paperwork. It’s by installing an inner cop in your own mind. So today’s focus is gonna be the system inside your nervous system. This episode is about the good patient script, the good mother script, and the internal voices that shame and scare you long before a doctor opens their mouth. I want you to see how much of this isn’t you. It’s programming. All right. How external control becomes an internal voice. Let’s start with something very simple. When you were a child, you probably learned very early that adults in white coats are the ones who know you get praised for being brave and cooperative. A doctor’s visits. You get treats or stickers for doing a good job with shots and exams. In fact, I have a theory. This was actually instilled at birth. Most births have been hospital births, and even if a mother wants to die on the cross saying that her birth was great, the built-in dynamics in the hospital-based birthing models create a victim and a savior. This energetic frequency is instilled on the baby. The baby feels being taken away from the mother to be weighed, checked, or even have a drastic circumcision procedure performed. Then the baby returned to the, its mother has been rescued, right as he or she’s returned to the mother. Both mother and baby and father too are feeling all of this. Generally the mother is the victim, but baby can be the victim. The savior is the doctor or the nurse, and the villain in this is also the mom or her body. It’s failing or she’s noncompliant. And in my opinion, this has been systematized historically at the foundation of the profession of obstetrics and gynecology. This topic is way too big for today, and we will save it for another day. But suffice it to say that. When this imprint of the doctor or nurse as savior is instilled during this powerful birthing moment for mother and for baby and for on looking papa or partner, it truly enlists the whole family in being beholden to this system of medicine. Moving on, when you’re small, your little nervous system makes connections, and as you get older, not crying equals good. Holding still when something hurts, equals good. Agreeing quickly when adults say, this is what we do equals good. Asking questions or saying, no equals risky or even dangerous. Then we layer on right school physicals, sports physicals, mandatory vaccines for school, your first gynecology appointment and discussing birth control as. If we can’t control our bodies, this simply isn’t true. And again, that said discussion for another day. Well, woman exams, why do we need someone else to tell us if we are well? Did you ever think about that? Pregnancy care? This is the only time that a woman enters the medical system for treatment and care when she is. Well, why? Or pediatric visits with your own kids. In each of these, the structures we mapped in episode two is in the background insurance boards, policies, pharmaceutical interests, but the part that gets inside you is the felt experience. I don’t wanna rock that boat. I don’t wanna be that patient. If I’m nice and compliant, this will be over faster. If I ask too many questions, they’ll think I’m difficult or crazy. Over time. You don’t even need a nurse or a doctor to enforce this. You start enforcing it on yourself. I felt that pressure personally to keep the gears moving. I remember sitting in an exam room being told I was due for a follow-up pap smear, and in my gut I knew it wasn’t necessary. It felt like a script. Not a clinical need, but I remember just nodding along to respond and to appease them so that I could avoid the friction. I did that polite compliance thing just to get out of the room, even though I already knew I wasn’t going to take their advice. We shouldn’t have to play, act to protect our peace, but the system makes that path of least resistance. That’s indoctrination. Let’s same a few of the classic lines of the good patient script. Shall we see if any of these sound familiar? They’re the experts. I’m not qualified to question that. I don’t wanna waste their time. They’re so busy. They probably know more about my body than I do. That’s totally insane. You are living in your body. Just a reminder, um, yeah, spoiler alert, right? I’ll do it now and think about it later. I don’t wanna be labeled noncompliant. Maybe I am being dramatic. And then there are behaviors that go along with that. Nodding yes. Even while your body is screaming. No. Laughing off your own concerns. Oh, I’m probably overreacting agreeing to just one more test. Even when you’re already overwhelmed taking a prescription you’re not comfortable with because you don’t want to seem ungrateful. We are conditioned to trust the white coat more than our own eyes. I remember a doctor who was clearly struggling with his own health, so with my own eyes, I was noticing he was overweight. He was clearly struggling. He did not look healthy, and he was telling me that my son was overweight. He saw a number on the chart. I saw a child with deep food sensitivities that the doctor simply didn’t have the tools to see. I felt it again after my melanoma was removed. I was told that I had to go in for routine skin exams every time they’d find a reason to biopsy me, and I finally realized that it was a scam to keep me living in this world of fear. It was also a lovely billable item that was recurrent, right? I had to trust that I knew my body better than their billing cycle did. These are not personality quirks. They are survival strategies in a system that punishes dissent, they make perfect sense given our entrainment, however, they keep us bonded into a system of compliance and fear. The good mother script now add motherhood on top of that. The good mother script might sound like. If something happens to my child and I didn’t follow the recommendations, it will be mindful. A good mother always does everything the doctor suggests. I don’t want child Protective Services involved. I’ll just nod and sign. I can’t bear the thought of saying, no, it might hurt my child even if my intuition says this is wrong. The stakes feel higher. The pressure to override your intuition is even stronger, and the system knows this. It knows that if it frames everything as if you don’t do this, you’re putting your child at risk, and most mothers will collapse their own boundaries in a heartbeat. That doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means your love is being used against you through bullying, berating, manipulating, and coercing. The system’s most potent weapon is that urgency card or the death card, especially with our children. I was told that by not vaccinating my kids, I was basically killing them. At the time I was navigating a highly contentious divorce and standing my ground against both my ex-husband and the medical institution, I actually had to get the clinic’s lawyer involved to ensure. No was prominently displayed on their files so they wouldn’t be vaccinated by accident. That isn’t care. That is a battle for the sovereignty of your family. But in the process, I was completely bullied and shamed by the medical staff. It took everything in me to stand firmly as mother, my kids, my choice. Even then, my ex-husband attempted to go around the boundaries I set at the clinic by taking them individually to pharmacies to get them vaccinated. In one instance, my daughter called me to check to be sure it was okay with me because she intuitively knew it was not. When I said it was not okay, she told her dad and they left pharmacy and she was not vaccinated. However, my son was taken right after he got his driver’s license, one of the modern day coming of age accomplishments of a young man and a young woman even, right? But by his dad. He was taken to Walgreens and told that he had to get a vaccine. He didn’t think to call me, and he was coerced into doing it just as this young man was becoming a young man through this process of getting his driver’s license. His dad took that power from him and manipulated and coerced him into getting this vaccine, showing him he still wasn’t in control. Shame and fear as built in control mechanisms. Let’s talk about shame and fear for a moment. Shame says, who do you think you are to question this? You should have known better. Everyone else trusts the system. What’s wrong with you? If you don’t comply, you’ll die, or your child will die, or you’ll be ruined. You’ll be labeled crazy, anti-science irresponsible. You’ll lose your community, your friends, your family’s approval, and the most efficient way for a system to use shame and fear is to get you to run those messages on yourself. So even in a perfectly calm, non-threatening appointment, you might feel a huge internal pressure to go along. Be nice, agree, quickly override that part of you that is quietly whispering. Something about this is, oh, this is why many women describe feeling like they left their bodies during key medical moments. The inner conflict is so intense that dissociation becomes the only way to get through it. Separating yourself from the programming. Here’s the most important thing I want you to hear in this episode. Those shaming, fearful, pressuring voices are not you. They live in you, but they are not the deepest truth of who you are. There are parts of you that learn to keep you safe. In environments where questioning was punished, obedience was rewarded, and your body’s wisdom was dismissed. What happens if just for a moment you imagine turning towards those parts? Not to fight them, but to say, of course you’re scared. Of course you wanna be seen as a good patient, a good mother. Thank you for trying to protect me. Then from a deeper place asking, is that still the only way we know how to stay safe? Is there another way to be safe and include my intuition, my body, and my sovereignty? We’re not ripping out programming overnight. We’re beginning to differentiate me. Versus the installed scripts, the system has trained me to run. That difference is the beginning of inner sovereignty. So let’s just do a small body check-in if it feels okay. I wanna invite tiny somatic experience here. You can close your eyes if you are not driving. Bring to mind a moment when you felt pressured in a medical setting. Maybe it was signing a consent form, agreeing to a procedure, or saying yes to a medication you just weren’t sure about. Notice where do you feel that memory in your body? Chest, throat, belly, jaw. Usually it finds a spot in the body to be stored. Now imagine just for one breath that you had paused and said, I hear your recommendation. I’m going to take some time to think about it and I’ll let you know. Notice what happens in your body at that thought. There’s no right or wrong care. You might feel relief, you might feel panic. Both are useful information, right? We’re learning about our body. We’re learning about where we store these things. We’re learning about their responsive. That’s the information. What we’re doing is gently reintroducing the idea that you are allowed to have a pause, a boundary, a question, even if your inner good patient part is terrified that. And this also builds that self-trust mechanism. We want to slowly and gradually begin to trust ourselves. Once again, we’ve been trusting someone else and that trust in ourselves has been broken. So by acknowledging how our body feels and responding in a way that honors it creates a loving, trusting relationship with our body. So we want to do that as well. Alright, so here’s the reflection I wanna leave you with today. What is one sentence my good patient or good mother voice says to me over and over again and, and if my deeper, wiser self could respond, what would she say back. You might literally write this out as a little dialogue in a journal. Here’s an example. Okay, good patient. If you don’t do what they say, something terrible will happen. Wise self. Thank you for wanting to protect us. Let’s gather information and decide from a grounded place. This is you beginning to mother or father, your own internalized indoctrination, and again, create that loving, trusting relationship with yourself. And here is your gentle act of sovereignty for this week. Notice one quote stood in your inner dialogue about health, and gently question it. When you catch yourself thinking, I should schedule that screening, I should just do what the doctor says, I should do the procedure because the social shunning, if I don’t, is just who’s significant. Pause and ask, who says, who is saying, right? Is this coming from my own grounded desire for health? A real time intuitive knowing? Sometimes it could be that, and that is developing that trusting relationship, that discernment between the indoctrination and what your own good, wise self is saying to you. Or is it fear or shame script that you inherited really from the system that indoctrination. You don’t have to change your action yet. Just name the voice. This is my inner good patient talking. This is my scared mama or papa part, and then see if a deeper kinder voice wants to add anything. If you feel inspired, you can share one of your shoulds and what you discovered with that in our comments, you never know who else might feel a little bit less alone because you named what they couldn’t. So please do share with us. We would be grateful. Everyone would be grateful. We have to work together to make this change. So come on board, come and join us. Come comment, come light, come subscribe, come share. Come find us on social media. We want your participation in this conversation because it starts with you. You making this change. We aren’t gonna change this system, this healthcare system from the inside out. We just aren’t. It starts with you. That’s why this series is so powerful. It starts now. It starts with these simple reflections, these simple, gentle acts of sovereignty. So you are not crazy, you are not overreacting. You are not a bad patient or a bad mother because something inside you hesitate. You are a sovereign being who has lived inside a powerful indoctrination field for a very long time, and you are now breath by breath, remembering that your body is intelligent, that you are trustworthy, your intuition is legitimate, and you are allowed to be the author of your own. Health creation journey, your own health story. Being the author of your story sometimes requires a leap of great faith. For me, a huge turning point was the decision to walk away from traditional health insurance. After my divorce, I realized I couldn’t speak about health creation while remaining beholden to a system that dictates my choices. Through coverage and whatnot, right? I chose to bet on myself to save for the true emergencies, but to invest my daily energy into a system that actually build health, I decided to stop paying for a system I no longer believed in. That was truly part of how I grew into becoming the mother rising. Yeah, and there’s a wonderful episode that I did with Andy Schoonover of Crowd Health, and I highly recommend you go back and check that out, which is an alternative system to traditional medical insurance. So if you are feeling like, how would that even look? That’s an excellent episode. To dip your toes in the water and see how that feels. All of these things build that sovereignty for you around your health creation journey. So again, if you did enjoy this episode, if it resonated for you, it truly supports our work. When you like the episode, leave a comment or review, share it with someone you love and subscribe or turn on your notification so you don’t miss out. In the next episode of this series, you can find the Incare podcast on YouTube and rumble for video. Apple Podcasts and Spotify connect with us like I was mentioning on Instagram at Yin Care or on TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, and Rumble At Yin Care, we are still riding the potent wave of the year of the fire horse a year that asks for courage, clarity, and clean sovereign action. May you stay rooted in your herd and rise wild and free. I’m Margaret Jacobson, the Mother Rising. Thank you for walking this path of health creation with me on the Incare Podcast. Until next time, honor yourself. Celebrate your strength, empower your transformation with your in care. When our sensitive tissues are off, everything is off. That’s one of the many reasons I absolutely love Yin Care’s Herbal Wash. This incredible DAOs formula gently nudges the vaginal microbiome back into balance. Not to mention it feels amazing. So get your hands on some Yin Care’s herbal Wash today. That’s Y-I-N-C-A-R e.com. Restore, rejuvenate, and refresh with Yin-care®.